The Gift of Feedback: A Guide to Giving and Receiving It Well

Feedback is a gift. It’s always a gift. It’s the only way we can ever get better. How do we know we’re doing something wrong—or even just slightly off—if nobody tells us?

But here’s the thing: feedback isn’t always easy to give, and it’s definitely not always easy to receive. Sometimes, it feels like a punch to the gut. Other times, it can be life-changing in the best way. Either way, it’s necessary.

This is something I’m passionate about (ask any of my friends who are offered the gift regularly—and that I ask for that gift in return). I’ve found that while I may be just as uncomfortable giving the gift as they are receiving it, their appreciation is often very rewarding!

A Story About a Picture

One of my clients called me this week with an interesting situation. A client of hers—someone who absolutely adored working with her—mentioned in passing that her profile picture and the photos she frequently posts on social media don’t quite match her brand. Her client described her as warm, inviting, and easy to work with, but her headshot was a bit more corporate—polished, professional, but not necessarily warm.

She hadn’t considered that before. She liked the photo, and it looked great, but after hearing that feedback, she saw the disconnect. Now, we’re working on getting new pictures that better align with who she truly is and what her brand represents.

That’s the power of feedback—it helps us see things we might never have noticed on our own.

Sometimes, Feedback Is Obvious (to Others)

Have you ever gone to a big meeting and accidentally put on two shoes that were slightly different colors? Maybe they were close enough that you didn’t notice, but someone else did. And yet, they didn’t say anything. How would that make you feel if you realized it at the end of the day? A little embarrassed? Annoyed that no one pointed it out?

Or how about discovering you had something in your teeth—or worse, lipstick on your teeth—all day long? I recently saw a TikTok of a woman who came home after a big pitch meeting only to find that a strand of her hair had been sticking straight up the entire time. She was mortified. Had it been like that the whole meeting? Did no one care enough to tell her? Sure, it's a little awkward to point out, but wouldn’t you rather know before stepping into that meeting or going on that big date?

We all have blind spots. Whether it’s something small like mismatched shoes or something big like the way we communicate in meetings, feedback helps us correct course before it becomes a bigger issue.

Feedback Can Save You (Literally)

Some forms of feedback can actually save lives—or at least save you from a very expensive mistake. Think about the safety features in your car: the seat that vibrates when you drift too close to another lane, the flashing red warning when you’re about to back into something, or the beeping when you’re not braking fast enough.

These alerts can be annoying. But they’re also critical. They save you from accidents, prevent damage, and keep you (and others) safe.

Workplace feedback isn’t that different. It might sting. It might feel frustrating. But if it’s constructive, it can be career-saving, project-saving, and even reputation-saving.

The Rules of Feedback

Giving and receiving feedback effectively is an art. Here are a few simple rules that can make all the difference:

1. Feedback should be given as a gift, and you should receive it as a gift.

A gift is meant to help, not hurt. If you’re giving feedback, make sure your intent is to improve, not criticize. If you’re receiving it, try to see it as an opportunity rather than an attack.

2. Constructive feedback should always be given in private.

• It should be actionable—something the person can actually change or improve.

• It should come with examples—specifics help people understand what needs to change.

• It should be immediate—the sooner, the better. Delayed feedback loses its impact.

• It should include follow-up—collaborate on a plan for improvement and check in later.

3. Praise and positive feedback should be given in public.

• Everyone should hear it.

• Like constructive feedback, it should be specific and immediate—a general "great job" is nice, but pointing out exactly what they did well makes it more useful to others who can learn from it and apply it themselves.

4. Feedback should never feel like a personal attack.

• Focus on the behavior, not the person.

• Avoid words like "always" and "never"—they make feedback feel unfair and exaggerated.

• Use "I noticed" or "I observed" instead of "You did this wrong."

5. If you don’t give feedback, you’re doing a disservice.

If you see something that could be improved and say nothing, you’re not helping. The best leaders, colleagues, and friends are the ones who are willing to have the hard conversations because they care about the outcome.

Final Thoughts

The next time you receive feedback—even if it stings—pause before reacting. Ask yourself, Is this something I need to hear? Could this make me better? Because if the answer is yes, then it’s not a criticism; it’s a gift.

And if you’re the one giving feedback, remember: your goal is to help, not harm. A well-delivered piece of feedback can change someone’s career, build stronger relationships, and even shift a company’s culture.

So go ahead—give and receive feedback like the gift that it is.